The Walk

I walked through the night. In the dark, feeling the cold against my skin despite my jacket. I had walked to try and allay my thoughts, yet they haunted me still. With every step my mind only raced more. Each thought loud and accusing. Could I not find peace?

Every wall seemed to be a taunt. Memories cried out from them, memories of lustful encounters. Whispers in the shadows, lovers whispers. Breathing into each other's mouths promises that would never be kept. Eternal love that would not be so. 

My feeling of dejection rose in me the further I walked. Occasionally spying another couple, hand in hand, my envy spiking with each. I did not want anger. Yet my loss was biting. His steady breath made it like he was following me. A step behind, his scent, his strong pace. If only I could reach out, our fingertips brushing for the slightest moment of reassurance. 

He was a ghost now. A product of my yearning mind, my lost heart.

Strangled

I wrote this years ago, about a particular person. Letting go of this person from my life now, it seems appropriate to post it again.

All the times you strangled me
With my heart strings
Like a poison in my veins
Living deprived, addicted
Bound and restrained

Fear of falling out of favour?
Lines recited in the dark
Holy script to the devils eyes
With the taste in my mouth
Selling our soul for moments of bliss

Break me, fuck by fuck
Kill me, bit by bit
Manipulator
I'll just be your whore

Just a puppet on a string
Seduced back to the fiend
The eyes of my beholder
Capturing, torturing me

Whisper forbidden words here
Tongue tied as my heart breaks
Every little detail kept inside
Knowing that I'm never thine.

Mistakes, misgivings
Hesitation and Hell
Doubt, degradation
I'll just be your whore.

Light

Finding the fire
Chasing the light
A life at the end of the tunnel

Hidden motivations
Underhanded games
Turning my back on it all

Breaking the chains
Burning the bridges
Leaving the past behind

Self imposed torture
Masochistic ways
A path of nails to tread

Searching for the unknown
Reaching for clarity
Falling through fire only to fail

Trip, trip, and fall
Bleed and bleed
Bleed for the only god you will ever know

Escaping purgatory
The rise of a different ghost
Longer past and ancient history

Resurrecting insanity
Clawing my way out
To stand under the heavens again

To begin, under the light again.

Unwritten

There is life in the dark still
Writing out that other story,
A long, old black inked quill
The words fly from the page
and my new story, fills.

A candle flickering in the dark
Finding out it's not so sparse
Another soul in this empty desert
Another yearning soul

A blank page, preceded by pain
A moment to set things right
Pulling you through time and space
Just to look upon your lovely face.

A call and answer
A silent reply
Only your body speaks

Maybe the past was key
Maybe we had to move on.
Waiting for you to find me
Waiting for the time to come.